Mind Chatter, Emotions and Letter to My Man

I don’t want to say big words. I don’t want to make big promises to you. All I want to say is … I’m sorry!
I’m sorry for not trusting in you.
I’m sorry for every time I said or suggested you were wrong.
I’m sorry for not taking care of you, not fulfilling your needs.
I’m sorry I didn’t know better.
I’m sorry for trying to change you, for not seeing you were already perfect … For me.
I’m sorry for not giving you hope when you needed it most, for not saying what my heart wanted to say.
I’m sorry for not always being by your side, for making you feel guilty when you were simply being your manly self, for causing you doubt in yourself and your best judgement.
For spending your energy unnecessarily, for whining and complaining for many little reasons, for not being my best womanly self …

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Feelings of remorse and guilt are weakening but hope kicks in soon to raise me once again from the pit of depression.
“He loves me? He loves me not?” A game those mischievous little buggers are playing on my mind. A roller coaster of emotions for my “boot camp emotional training weekend” (that’s what happens when I read too much).
Feeling temptation to bring it all up to you, to set it all straight once and for all…
But no! I remember … I’m not what I said I wanted to be. I am not in love. Therefore, I am not my best womanly self. So I ask “Please, bring me back to love! Please, fill my heart with gratitude!”

And it is so! It’s Saturday morning. We are back to our beloved home where all is well and much better than well. Tears of happiness are flooding my face …
Spring came with vengeance, greening it all, flowering everywhere, chirping, sowing, clearing some more. Peach and sour cherry flowers exhibit themselves like shameless arrogant beautiful girls, not carrying of making me feel … inferior. And yet, I remember… I know “I’m every woman, it’s all in me” … There! I know this and you don’t! And I also know something else: “I am the soul of this place” like Rumi said. I KNOW IT, because of what I am. I am Woman!
Hence, my dear Man, if you love me, make me yours … Forever!

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