Down the rabbit hole. Who is the authority running the show?

These past few days I’ve become aware of a few programs (story ideas for experiences to seek or to avoid) that haven’t yet been … resolved, “something done about”. Awoken, they wreak havoc in mind and life. Awoken and left unresolved, they damage the brain and speed-up aging of the body.
I’ve become extremely upset about not receiving an experience I greatly desired. Stoping, asking myself questions, observing my thoughts and my emotions … burning with pain but pressing on with self investigation eventually brings me to the bottom of well where I, the good little me, meets eye-to-eye I, the evil little me, “the Jabberwock”.
“Who are you?” the good little me asks. “I am you.” “Why is there two of us?” “We made it so. We wanted a game, a show, a story. We wanted experience. So we had to split into two opposing forces of conflict: one good, one bad; one always right, the other always wrong; one champion, the other loser; one knower, the other naive; one attack, the other victim. Any experience is built on conflict of the two.” 
“So it’s all me.” 
End of program/game/show/story/experience. 
Blissful aware present living restored.

Made of words? It’s a program.

Made of numbers? It’s a program.
Made of dots and lines and images? It’s a program.
Made of thoughts? It’s a program.
Made by human mind? It’s a program. A program/game/show/story/experience. It’s the past. A program is always past. It’s been new for a second, at the moment of its conception, but at the moment of, before even, its completion it becomes past. 
A program is the replaying past.
Anything made, can be unmade. All programs can be deleted.
What remains? Only what you truly long for: life, truth, love.
Aliveness remains forever untouched.
You are that. No persona masks. No need for experience.
No more can be said. You know it, deep down. You know how natural, how alive you feel when a little child smiles at you. You know she sees you, the “you” behind the masks. You pretend you don’t know it, so you ask for proofs, arguments, facts, experiments and conclusions, desperately trying to block, or at least, delay truth from seeping up at the surface. Or perhaps you pretend you don’t know just to get some entertainment out of this conversation.
You do know it, in your heart.
And yet words and numbers and images continue to distract your attention, causing unease, upset, sorrow.
And yet “something must be done about it” still shouts in loud voices in your brain. But it’s a program. 
Delete all programs is the only logical action. Burn the past. One program left and you can be sure it will cause problems at some point. It will immediately slow down to a stop your spontaneous intuitive living.
No mind, no heart, no earth, no sky, no space, no location, no time, no I, no intention, no experience, only immediacy of being.
Just being. Just moving. Just acting. Just feeling. Just breathing. Just acknowledge desire burning … cheerfully …. inside, without an end, goal, destination. 
But experience can be fun. 
Yeah, it could be. If you prefer an experience, choose one program consciously (or write it yourself) imprint it in your brain, yourself, intentionally, and let it run. Enjoy the adventure! Expect and accept errors. Expect and accept “the other” showing up too at some point. But that’s ok now. You know now you are the one running the show. This is the resolve. This is salvation.

©️A. Garden, August 2020